You probably don’t know how precious you are to me
Or how when I look at you I still see your little peanut head
Or your dimpled smile as I swing you around on my hip.
You were born during the hardest part of my childhood
When I became a small woman
Out of necessity
Your young mother brought you to meet us
At our house that was cursed with near death
With tragedy, with drugs, with midnight wailings.
I was swimming in grief far too complex for someone my age to understand
Then you came.
And looked with a quiet intensity-
much like my own
And I held you, and changed you
And fed you, and loved you
Carefully, with all the nurturing that was missing from my own tiny life.
Your hands pulled at my hair
And clasped my fingers so very hard
But I never pried your grasp away
For I loved you just as hard without knowing how.
You are careful and calculated,
Unlike your conception
Kind and mature beyond your years,
exactly like the person I knew you’d become.
Cuándo su madre dio a luz
I was beginning to understand the meaning of abuse
My heart quickened,
Would not let me enter peacefully into the arms of a man
That once crawled with me on the soft and sable floor.
Your face, girl
Like you had known the pleasure of a thousand good lives
And came back to tell the tale.
you still have-
The power that comes from not knowing the limitations of your own body,
The sideways grace of an entity that does not care for the influence of outside stares.
I’ve never told you these things,
And I’m not sure I ever will.
You are my blood, but
so very far removed, especially in my lengthy absence.
There is no explanation for my love
Or the rabid protection I will always have for you two.
When I was your age
I hated when adults told me I was becoming a woman
And so fast!
Now I know, of course
That the most trite statements are sometimes the most meaningful
And that you are not any longer,
But always will be,
my little girls.